I see through closed eyes

I am exhausted. I would so much like to trail to my bed. For one hundred and one reasons I cannot afford that. I try the next best thing.

“Mom?”

“Yes, B.”

“What are you doing on the floor?”

” I just lie down and look at you with my closed eyes.”

“You cannot do that! You cannot see with closed eyes.”

“You can try me if you don’t believe it. Do something and I will guess.”

B smiles, puts a finger on his forehead and thinks for a second of two what he would be doing. He then steps up on the sofa and waits.

“You have not  climbed on the sofa with shoes on, I hope, young man”, I let him know pretending to be upset. I hear him gently repositioning his feet. he rests his head on one of the sofa’s pillows.

“What am I doing now?” he asks me curiously.

“You sit on the couch as you should have done it from the beginning”, I pause and make him think I am not sure about the rest. ” Ah, yes, you put your head on the pillow.”

“You can’t see that, it’s not fair. You’re cheating”, his inquiring tone slowly becomes frustrated. He will soon burst out crying as he usually does it when he cannot figure out the scheme behind a trick.

“Come, I’ll teach you, but you have to keep it a secret. Deal?” My eyes are still closed. I hear his relief. “You have to lie down next to me with your eyes closed and do exactly as I say, good? You are not allowed to speak right now. I will tell you when you can do it. ” He nods solemnly. He comes and lies next to me. He reaches my elbow with his arm. “Now, you stretch your hands and palms next to your body. Your legs too. Point your toes as if you were trying to walk on tip-toes. Very important, do not laugh!” B can hardly content himself. I know it and I play with it. “The next step is to take a deep breath, a huge one, as big as you can hold. Imagine that you are a dragon at the dragons school and that you have to breathe out slowly, really slowly, for as long as you can. This his how dragons learn to make smoke. Have you done it?” I hear him exhale cautiously. His mind races. He is mine. “You take another breath, can you see the air going inside your tummy? Try to follow it. It went straight to your lungs. Stay there and have a look at how the air rushes outside. It resembles a draught of air as if you opened the terrace door.” He hums. “Try one more time. Take a big breath. Now let it go as if you were an apprentice dragon.” He smiles. “I hear something, do you hear it too? Bum-bum… bum-bum…” B is concentrating himself to listen to the rhythm. By now he is exploring his body from behind shut eyelids. “That’s your heart! It keeps you alive. If you listen really good, you will feel that you move with your heart.” He is silent. “Keep your eyes closed and try to look in front of you. I see a little light.  What do you see?” B is confused. “Nothing.” He waits and tries to see himself what I describe.

“Wait, wait, I see a little light…” he adds excitedly.

“What color?”

“Purple and shining”.

“I see a house on the right. Whose house is that?” I push him gently inside his story.

“I see somebody in the house. I guess it’s Saint Nicholas.” B adds happily.

“Yeah, I see him too. What is he doing there? I cannot see clearly. Can you have a look?”

“Mom, there are plenty of children letters. He reads them and writes something down. I see my name, I see my name on my painting”, he raises his hands and makes signs in the air.

“Who else is there? I see a horse!” I guide him sounding surprised.

‘Yes, I see the horse too. It’s white! It eats carrots and cookies.”

“He must be preparing himself for the long journey.”

“Mom, how will Saint Nicholas bring presents to all the children? They must be heavy. Can we help him?”

“Well, I guess he has dwarves to help him, right?”

“Yes, he must have. I will write to him to bring me something small. At least it will be easier for him to carry it.”

The cat sneaks between us. His nose sniffs B’s ears. He steps over his chest. B laughs at the tickle. Always his eye closed he announces:

“I can see the cat walking all over me!”

We both open our eyes and still on the floor we hold hands.

“I really can see with my eyes closed”, the amazement pierces sparkling points of laughter in his voice.