Be your own kind of Shine and… just be!
I woke up this morning with a numbing feeling of having lost it!
My vision, my purpose, my ‘why’.
I closed my eyes, I rubbed the back of my hands on my eyelids heavily. I opened them again. Nothing. Niks. Nada.
‘I need coffee!’
I rushed to the kitchen, scolding the kids to get out of my way. I pushed the magic button on my Nespresso machine and waited for the familiar sound of the percolator to soothe my sudden unwelcomed confusing drifting. I took a sip of the dark potion and I sighed. At 7.20 my life was already busy: a husband jogging outside in the dark wet cold weather, my dog barking for attention, my 3 kids running around the house, leaving the kitchen table in a chocolate spread mess, my cat scratching my legs in hope for some food.
‘Close the door!’ I shouted to one of the boys who had just let the dog out and forgot – as usual – to close the door.
A cold draught swirled round my feet, up my body sending shivers up my spine.
‘THIS is not good’ I mumbled.
I marched to the bathroom, I smiled to myself – I did! and I ordered myself: ‘I shine bright like a diamond!’ I didn’t believe a word I was saying but I said it. It’s in tough days that your perseverence pays, right? I splashed my face, brushed my teeth, put makeup on. It usually makes me feel much better about myself. I dressed up like going to a very important meeting and I crossed the living to reach my home office desk. I set my third cup of coffee next to me and I opened up the Inbox.
‘I need assistance with the automation process… please have a look… your input… blah blah…’ I almost fainted reading the e-mail. Tears of frustration were falling down my cheeks. ‘I am no tech girl. I know nothing about technical stuff! I can’t handle this! It will never work! I have no freaking idea what all those programs are! I can’t even remember the passwords! Leave me alooooooone!’
Within 30 seconds I was sobbing with despair. E-mails kept coming and I would lift my head with every notification. ‘How do people manage this nightmare?’ I asked feeling sorry for myself.
From confusion I swinged to frustration, then on to being angry, to huffing and puffing to silence, to void.
There, in the silence of my own head, the answer knocked at the gate of my consciousness: ‘I always have a choice! I might suck at technical stuff, but there needs to be something I can do about it; I am creative, I am resourceful, I know stuff, I know people. I can ask for help. I can ask for support.’
‘What is the smallest thing that could make the biggest impact right now?’ I asked myself the same question I ask my clients.
‘Be myself! Do what I can with what I have and know right now. Stay in my strength. The right strengths, not the complaining state!’
And so I did.
Six hours later I printed out the draft for an amazing online five-module creative writing course, a two month planning for another writing project and this blog post.
When you feel overwhelmed with what you don’t know and you don’t control, when your ‘points of improvement’ menace to tip over the balance of your confidence,
- go search inside yourself what your strengths are
- claim them
- be yourself, just be!