Confessions of a Coach
‘You always know everything. It’s not fun to talk to you. Whatever I am doing feels like I’m never going to do it right. I hate it. I hate you!’ – she sighed with despair while tears were flooding her eyes. She came to see me after her third marriage ended in what seemed and endless battle for possessions. Like a war victim who had given up on the very last ounce of self-esteem she told me the ‘whole’ story: how people were taking advantage of her, how she was always doing everything for others but none ever said ‘thank you’, how depleted she felt, ho overwhelming her existence seemed and that was everybody’s fault and none of her responsibility.
I listened. I asked and then I asked again some more. I drew circles – this is what I do when I feel when someone is turning in circles in front of me. I asked more and more questions. But I had already seen where her answers were leading me. I have already sensed the source of pain, the bottom of the sorrow. I have already sniffed the smell of a rotten damaging belief intoxicating your life – oh in such subtle and almost imperceptible ways.
“Where else in your life do you see the same situation manifesting itself?” This is one of the most resistance triggering questions I sometimes ask. It demands that light is flashed in the darkness of the unconscious patterns of living. Experience showed me that that is the moment when stress knocks the doors of good intention and emotions break loose, when the heart starts racing and the mind looks for the enemy in me. It is at this very moment that I gather all my compassion and send it across the table in my client’s heart. There’s no enemy. There’s just a disconnected brain and a disconnected heart.
“You don’t know how it is to be living this! I’m different! It’s not what you think!”
I agree: I don’t know how it is – and I don’t need to. I agree we are all different – this is the most amazing truth about us humans. And I agree, it’s not what you think that I think – if you knew you’d be amazed with the trust I have in you that grounds us both and makes us advance on this adventurous journey of self-discovery and self-development. You will find this out very soon.
One of the first lessons I have learned in my coaching trainings was that you cannot push and neither pull people to learn their lessons, move forward or detach from their drama addiction. The only option that you have is to allow the person in front of you take the needed steps by themselves.
A coach’s role is to believe in the infinite potential of his/her client and empower him/her to step in confidence on the path they have chosen (or are considering taking) so that the clients shines his/her inner Light into the world. To me, this is the result I am looking for: a happy, fulfilled, confident, shining client who believes in their amazing adventure in the world. This is my magic touch: I ignite your sparkles and I empower you to keep them alive.
But this is also one of the most difficult lessons I’ve been taught my whole life: I cannot help unless people really want to be helped. This is the ground rule in healing as well: until people ask for it and for our highest good, no healer would perform a healing ceremony. Coaching is a form of healing. One needs to be willing to be coached.
I consider myself to be endowed with a strong intuition and a Divine connection – which amazes me each day and for which I am infinitely grateful – and at times this tends to feel like a burden. I am trained to listen from heart to heart, I am skilled to see beyond what my clients allows me to see. It sometimes takes me 90 seconds to have the first real indication towards what’s the thought blocking trapping someone’s light in the shadows. There’s also where my discomfort starts: because I see, hear and feel the consequences of those beliefs in my client’s discourse; and because I know where the answer might lie, it doesn’t mean that I am also allowed to communicate it to my client. Each and every person has the right to self-discovery. Including myself.
Someone asked me what made me choose for coaching. I answered simply: it’s the ‘a-ha’ in your eyes, the deep transformation happening in one moment – mostly unpredictable – that feeds me with the energy of willing to ignite sparkles in the eyes of all I meet. And it’s the same ‘a-ha’ moment that at times tortures me as ‘personal processing time’ is subjective and… takes time. Too much enthusiasm on my side, too much sparkles in one ignition and the desired effect is delayed. Like a sufflé that stayed either too long or not long enough in the oven, the realization of a big awareness leap fits the hanging wire between results and repeating the same lesson all over again. Tough I learn. My intuition always points me into the right direction.
Still, it is my conviction that physical time is the most valuable asset one possesses and we should all make the most of it. It is a matter of belief whether long processes make you lose time or gain time. Perception will make you decide.
Until then, I listen, I ask a lot of questions and I trust my guidance and your infinite potential. Because you, my friend are Light! Only the one having something to hide will look for the darkness. You’re not one of them.